My spirituality seems stuck, a frozen snapshot of an instant in time that will not move no matter how much I try to will it. I continue to walk in slow baby steps - verse by verse, prayer by prayer. I keep reminding myself that I should not chase a feeling, I should not chase that fleeting jerk of the heart as an insight previously unseen blooms from between the pages of my Bible or works outwards of my shifting, shuffling and uneasy prayers.
Instead, just obedience. Simple, unadorned and dreadfully boring obedience. Prayer by prayer, verse by verse, kindness by kindness.
God rests His hand on my shoulders. He sees me, I know this. He feels my tense impatience as a struggle to cultivate joyous contentment in this life He's gifted me. I am so childish, so much like a child who wishes to rush, only tempered only slowed by that heavy hand on the shoulder.
Lord, help me help me help me.